Department of Offense T Shirt

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Product: Department of Offense T Shirt

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Description: Please select the option that best completes this sentence: I'm filing this complaint because the Department: A) Made anonymous calls to voters in my district and asked if it bothered them that I was the leader of a nudist cult – then mumbled that they meant to say "church group" and hung up. B) Disingenuously and repeatedly lauded my "courage" for supporting my "gay son who lives in Hollywood" during a town hall meeting in Linden, Tex. C) Quoted me referring to puppy molesting an inalienable right. As retribution, I am seeking: A) A guest spot on Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher. B) A book-jacket quote for my upcoming tell-all C) A public apology* * Not responsible if apology happens to be made on the same day as catastrophic natural disaster, terrorist attack or humans landing on Mars.

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Product: Grim Reaper Ice Cream T Shirt

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Description: In a brazen move that has community leaders up in arms, the Grim Reaper has been peddling an ice cream cart around town offering kid-oriented versions of his favorite lethal treats. The Reaper's brightly colored menu includes new products like the Semi Chocomatic, Ciggies 'N Cream, the Hypodermic Drumstick, Cracksicles, and the Rainbow Rocket (an actual rocket). "Kids are able to get a hold of these things as easily as candy anyway, so I figured why not work that metaphor," said the Reaper, who has been braving the sweltering summer heat in his trademark hooded cloak. "I tell you, the way they come running for this stuff, you'd think it was heroin!" He added, "Actually, a lot of it is heroin."

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